One of the most incredible prayers I have heard in my life was from a close friend named Sana. She had not prayed in a very long time and me and my missionary companion, Elder Lewis, had been visiting her family for a while. Up to this point, we had always said the prayers for our lessons but today it was her turn. I remember kneeling with her family and instantly having tears in my eyes as she began:
“Father, I don’t know how to pray. . .but I know you listen. . . and, I am not the right kind of person to pray, but I will try. . .”
She was so genuine and humble. It felt like God was there with us listening to every word she muttered. This prayer was different than those that Elder Lewis and I had said over food that day. It was different than opening prayers said at church. It was not passive, it was not habit. This was a real conversation with the Creator of the Universe. This was a mother pleading for divine help for her family to follow Jesus Christ.
I learned a few lessons on prayer that night. First, knowing how to pray is much more valuable than I ever thought. What a special gift it is to know how to speak to God! Second, true power in prayer does not come from elegant or elevated language, it comes from intentions, feelings, and faith.
The most powerful prayers I have ever had have always came from a time in my life where something was broken. Whether I had a Broken wrist, had been Broken up with, or I had just Broke my winning streak of sobriety, or whatever other kind of Broke was going on, these “broke” times provided special opportunities to rely on God.
My mission president for the first year of my mission, President Smith, would meet with every missionary 1 on 1 every 6 weeks. As part of these interviews, he would usually give us a priesthood blessing or pray for us. When I was a new ASL Elder, I was feeling pretty broke. My right wrist was literally broken, I felt hopeless when it came to learning the language, both my companions seemed so far ahead of me so I would often blame myself and feel inadequate. So when my turn came to have a interview with president Smith I was really hoping for a blessing from him. I thought if I could get a blessing from President Smith, many of my problems would go away.
Instead, he knelt down and asked me to pray for my area, friends, and my companions. . . in ASL. With a little bit of disappointment I joined him on the floor, closed my eyes, and lifted my hands to begin signing a prayer.
I don’t really remember what I said (signed) but I do remember feeling confident and capable for the first time in a while. The prayer came to my hands naturally and easier than usual. I knew that God was receiving my prayer and that He would help me. President Smith didn’t know any ASL at all, so I was surprised when I opened my eyes and saw him crying. He had been watching me the whole time and had been just as affected as I had.
After a unexpected breakup in January, I decided I really did not want to get depressed. I still did. Prayers during these weeks were mostly just me crying. I was angry, scared, confused, and broken.
But the point is: I wanted to go through the breakup “disciple-style.” I spent a hour in the scriptures every day for those first few (awful) weeks, ran 5 miles every day, and I knew I needed new hobbies. After careful (and broken) prayer, the spirit clearly told me to text my buddy, Mason, and go get a guitar.
Turns out, Mason had recently been through a similar experience. We went to a few pawn shops and found a perfect guitar for a surprisingly cheap price. Since then, Mason has been my “Guitar-Mentor”. Last week, I sent him a very beginner recording of me playing “I Need Thee Every Hour” Its obvious that I haven’t been playing for very long…
I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was surprised when Mason said:
“I almost got a little emotional listening to it, especially with the few mistakes. It felt like a broken prayer that someone was attempting. Thank you for sending me that dude”
I know what it’s like to offer a broken prayer. Just like Mason still loved and appreciated my attempt at “I Need Thee Every Hour,” God loves and appreciates our broken prayers. Those times when the words don’t flow and perhaps more tears come out then words.
Prayers like
“I remembered God and was troubled: I complained and my spirit was overwhelmed. . . I am so troubled that I cannot speak. . . I commune with my own heart; and my spirit made diligent search”
-Psalm 77
“For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth. My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread”
-Psalm 102
God wants to hear our broken prayers. Prayers that come from a broken heart, full of real intention, feeling, and faith mean more than prayers of habit ever will. Its ok to approach God from a broken place. It is only through His plan and His son that we can ever truly overcome the broken things in life.