Levi613

Tag: recovery

  • Broken Prayers

    One of the most incredible prayers I have heard in my life was from a close friend named Sana. She had not prayed in a very long time and me and my missionary companion, Elder Lewis, had been visiting her family for a while. Up to this point, we had always said the prayers for our lessons but today it was her turn. I remember kneeling with her family and instantly having tears in my eyes as she began:

    “Father, I don’t know how to pray. . .but I know you listen. . . and, I am not the right kind of person to pray, but I will try. . .”

    She was so genuine and humble. It felt like God was there with us listening to every word she muttered. This prayer was different than those that Elder Lewis and I had said over food that day. It was different than opening prayers said at church. It was not passive, it was not habit. This was a real conversation with the Creator of the Universe. This was a mother pleading for divine help for her family to follow Jesus Christ.

    I learned a few lessons on prayer that night. First, knowing how to pray is much more valuable than I ever thought. What a special gift it is to know how to speak to God! Second, true power in prayer does not come from elegant or elevated language, it comes from intentions, feelings, and faith.

    The most powerful prayers I have ever had have always came from a time in my life where something was broken. Whether I had a Broken wrist, had been Broken up with, or I had just Broke my winning streak of sobriety, or whatever other kind of Broke was going on, these “broke” times provided special opportunities to rely on God.

    My mission president for the first year of my mission, President Smith, would meet with every missionary 1 on 1 every 6 weeks. As part of these interviews, he would usually give us a priesthood blessing or pray for us. When I was a new ASL Elder, I was feeling pretty broke. My right wrist was literally broken, I felt hopeless when it came to learning the language, both my companions seemed so far ahead of me so I would often blame myself and feel inadequate. So when my turn came to have a interview with president Smith I was really hoping for a blessing from him. I thought if I could get a blessing from President Smith, many of my problems would go away.

    Instead, he knelt down and asked me to pray for my area, friends, and my companions. . . in ASL. With a little bit of disappointment I joined him on the floor, closed my eyes, and lifted my hands to begin signing a prayer.

    I don’t really remember what I said (signed) but I do remember feeling confident and capable for the first time in a while. The prayer came to my hands naturally and easier than usual. I knew that God was receiving my prayer and that He would help me. President Smith didn’t know any ASL at all, so I was surprised when I opened my eyes and saw him crying. He had been watching me the whole time and had been just as affected as I had.

    After a unexpected breakup in January, I decided I really did not want to get depressed. I still did. Prayers during these weeks were mostly just me crying. I was angry, scared, confused, and broken.

    But the point is: I wanted to go through the breakup “disciple-style.” I spent a hour in the scriptures every day for those first few (awful) weeks, ran 5 miles every day, and I knew I needed new hobbies. After careful (and broken) prayer, the spirit clearly told me to text my buddy, Mason, and go get a guitar.

    Turns out, Mason had recently been through a similar experience. We went to a few pawn shops and found a perfect guitar for a surprisingly cheap price. Since then, Mason has been my “Guitar-Mentor”. Last week, I sent him a very beginner recording of me playing “I Need Thee Every Hour” Its obvious that I haven’t been playing for very long…

    I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was surprised when Mason said:

    “I almost got a little emotional listening to it, especially with the few mistakes. It felt like a broken prayer that someone was attempting. Thank you for sending me that dude”

    I know what it’s like to offer a broken prayer. Just like Mason still loved and appreciated my attempt at “I Need Thee Every Hour,” God loves and appreciates our broken prayers. Those times when the words don’t flow and perhaps more tears come out then words.

    Prayers like

    “I remembered God and was troubled: I complained and my spirit was overwhelmed. . . I am so troubled that I cannot speak. . . I commune with my own heart; and my spirit made diligent search”

    -Psalm 77

    “For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth. My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread”

    -Psalm 102

    God wants to hear our broken prayers. Prayers that come from a broken heart, full of real intention, feeling, and faith mean more than prayers of habit ever will. Its ok to approach God from a broken place. It is only through His plan and His son that we can ever truly overcome the broken things in life.

  • A Cool Talk I Gave Today

    Good Morning brothers and sisters, My name is Caleb Owens. I grew up in Boise, Idaho then right before COVID, my family moved to Tooele, Utah. I served my mission in the California Bay Area speaking Hindi and American Sign Language– it’s a long complicated story. This is my first semester at college. I’m studying psychology with hopes of working in an addiction-recovery related job. I love doing drywall, working out, driving fast, and going on spontaneous adventures.

    Brothers and sisters, I have felt prompted to focus my talk on a topic that I’m sure we all have had experiences with in one unfortunate way or another. It’s something that we don’t like to talk about. However, it needs to be talked about more. It’s something that has strongly impacted my life and brought me to some of my darkest moments. I want to talk about recovering from pornography.

    In the world we now live in, we no longer get to live a life where porn isn’t involved in some way. Maybe it’s you, a close friend, a significant other, or a family member. Not to be too harsh, but if it hasn’t happened to you yet, I can guarantee it will. Pornography will affect you or somebody you love.

    Satan has been learning how to tempt and trick and lie for over 7000 years. Meanwhile, most of us have only been learning for 18 to 27 years or so. We’ve all heard the not-so-funny-because-it’s-actually-true joke: “90% of men struggle with porn, the other 10% are lying.” Right from the start, it seems like the battle against sin and porn is lost.

    However, I would like to share 3 scriptural principles that have helped me in my personal battle. I ask that you open your mind and allow yourself to feel hope. If you have been keeping this a secret for as long as you can remember, consider this a message from God and let today be a starting point. 

    First, Psalm 119:9 “ Wherewithal shall a young man [or woman] cleanse [their] way? By taking heed thereto according to thy word.”

    How do we “cleanse” our way? By heeding the word of God. Brothers and sisters, I know this is true. There is power in the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon. I have found as I read the book of Mormon power comes into my life. President Nelson said “I promise that as you daily immerse yourself in the Book of Mormon, you can be immunized against the evils of the day, even the gripping plague of pornography and other mind-numbing addictions.” This promise is true! I know it is true! When I read the Book of Mormon, every part of my life is better. In order to get the full effect from Psalm 119:9, we must HEED the word of God. This implies action, change, application of what we are learning from God’s word. Not simply reading a few verses so we can ‘check the box.’

    One of my favorite stories ever displays what it means to HEED the word of God and not just read it. This is a story Hugh B Brown once told, I will be using a recounting from Elder Robert E Wells. I once heard President Hugh B. Brown relate this inspiring story: Sometime ago a great actor in the city of New York gave a wonderful performance in a large theatre, at the close of which there were rounds of applause. He was called back again and again. Finally someone called to him, “Would you do for us the Twenty-third Psalm?”

    “Why, yes. I know the Twenty-third Psalm.”

    He recited it as an actor would, perfectly, with nothing left to be desired as far as a performance was concerned. When he was finished, again there was thunderous applause. Then the actor came to the front of the stage and said: “Ladies and gentlemen, there is an old man sitting here on the front row whom I happen to know. I am going to ask him without any notice if he will come and repeat the Twenty-third Psalm.”

    The elderly gentleman, of course, was frightened. Trembling, he came to the stage. Fearfully he looked out over the vast audience. Then, as though he were at home only with one, he closed his eyes against the audience, bowed his head, and talked to God, and said:

    “The Lord is my shepherd: I shall not want.

    “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

    “He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

    “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

    “Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil: my cup runneth over.

    “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.” 

    When the old man finished, there was no applause, but there was not a dry eye in that house. The actor came to the front of the stage. He, too, was wiping his eyes. And he said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I know the words of the Twenty-third Psalm, but this man knows the Shepherd.”

    This man knows the shepherd. Brothers and sisters, when we read the scriptures our goal must be to know the shepherd. I promise that as we do so, as promised by our previous prophet, we will be able to be “immunized against the evils of the day including the gripping plague of pornography.”

    Now that we’ve established how important the Book of Mormon is, let’s go there, Alma 43:48. “And it came to pass that when the men of Moroni saw the fierceness and the anger of the Lamanites, they were about to shrink and flee from them. And Moroni, perceiving their intent, sent forth and inspired their hearts with these thoughts—yea, the thoughts of their lands, their liberty, yea, their freedom from bondage.” 

    This verse prompts a question I would invite all of you to ask yourself every day:

    “Why do you fight?”

    This army was about to retreat. They were about to give up. And all Moroni had to do was remind them of why they were there– why they were fighting. When they remembered these reasons they completely changed. Filled with “warrior chemistry” they absolutely dominated this battle and became legendary.

    When we know why we are fighting, do you think Satan’s voice is gonna have any success at all? If you have an image of yourself in the temple being sealed to your spouse, or see yourself as a future missionary, or create a mental image of yourself being worthy and spiritually clean– do you think you’ll listen to Satan’s lies? So I ask you again, why do you fight? Why don’t you just give up?

    I’d like to share why I fight: I fight to be living evidence that the atonement of Jesus Christ works. I fight to be proof that through the power of Jesus Christ, anybody can overcome pornography. I fight to be a valiant-covenant keeper. I fight to be a life-long disciple. I fight for my family, especially my future wife. I want her to trust me completely and know that I will always be there to protect her and provide worthy priesthood power in our home. I fight because I love God and His son.

    Do you feel that? You can foster this feeling yourself. Just ask yourself “why do you fight?” let your reasons become a part of every morning. Let them become a part of who you are and I promise you will find strength and the lies of the devil will grow quieter and easier to ignore.

    My final scripture is Lamentations 3:23. “They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness” Short and sweet, but perhaps one of the deepest verses in the bible. What does it mean to be “new every morning?”  To me, it means if you messed up yesterday, today is a new day. It means that because of Jesus Christ– if we choose to– we can be new every single morning. It means that our past doesn’t control who we are today or who we are tomorrow. 

    There was a time when I thought I was garbage (see the image). I believed I would never be able to go a week without messing up and giving in to Satan’s lies. I thought I would never serve a mission. I thought I’d never be married. I was set on keeping my pornography addiction a secret till the day I died. 

    Obviously, something changed. Something became “new.” When I finally made that choice to tell my bishop, I felt hope for the first time in years. For a brief second I saw light at the end of the tunnel and a potential future where I was happy and free. That day I became new. After years of fighting and losing and winning and learning, I stand before you as a completely different person than I was. I am new. I love my savior Jesus Christ. I testify that this “newness” is possible and only possible because of Him. I know that we can be new every morning. Forget about all those dumb things you did yesterday– today is a new day. Brothers and Sisters, now is the time to get control of your life. Now is the time to heed the word of God and know the Shepherd. Now is the time to remember why you fight and let your reasons become a part of you. Now is the time to choose to be new every morning. 

    In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.